It’s all my fault. The feeling in my chest feels worse. It tugs and sends intense shivers down my spine almost to the point that I can’t even move from the pain. When I came downstairs today, Roxas saw and stopped me. He seemed distraught.
“Xzylair!” he cried.
I said nothing, trying to pass it off that I didn’t hear him and try to walk away. Luckily, it was early enough that no one else in the chamber was there.
“Xzylair, I know you can hear me! What’s wrong with you!?” he cried.
I couldn’t move. I felt paralyzed. I couldn’t respond. I dared not respond. Suddenly, I instinctively felt the need to dash away. But before I could, I felt someone grab my wrist. It was Roxas.
“Let me go, Roxas” I said, cooly.
“Xzylair, why won’t you come to the clock tower anymore?” He demanded, “Why won’t you eat ice cream with us anymore? What did we do?”
“Nothing” I replied.
“No, it can’t just be nothing! It’s about Xion isn’t it? What did she do? I need to know!”
I whirled around.
“You wouldn’t understand! None of you would!” I snapped.
I don’t think even I understood…
I flicked his hand away and began running.
I could’ve kept going. But I halted in my tracks. I’ve never heard that name before, yet it caused me to stop.
I heard a grunt. I turned around. Roxas was practically on the floor, clutching his head, painfully.
“Roxas!” I gasped.
I couldn’t keep up my act. Instead of running away from him, I was running towards him.
“Roxas! Roxas, I’m sorry!”
But it was too late. I caught him before he hit the ground. I could see his fading blue eyes stare back up at me.
“Xz…Xzylair…” He said.
Then, he closed his eyes, and went limp.
I screamed. Saïx, and a few others came bounding in. Axel and Xion came in last. I buried my face next to his, and sobbed. Whoever said Nobodies couldn’t feel anything was stupid. I could feel it. Pain, anger, sorrow, anguish, I felt it all that moment.
“So, the chosen one’s fallen asleep” Saïx responded, monotone.
“What happened?” Axel exclaimed.
Xion ran up to Roxas and bent over.
“Roxas…!” she sighed, sadly.
I lifted my head. Xion was shocked at my grief-stricken face and went pale.
“This…is your fault!”
But it wasn’t Xion’s fault. It was mine.
“Xzylair, step away from Roxas. We will take care of him,” Saïx ordered, “Remember, Nobodies have no emotions. You are simply being hysterical.”
“Why?” I barked, “Why can’t I have emotions!? Is it because we all have to be stone-faced, emotionless shells in this miserable Organization we call home!?”
“Watch yourself, Xzylair,” Saïx warned, gritting his teeth, “Do not forget the only reason we allowed you into our ranks as an addition, is because you wield a keyblade. Step out of your boundaries again, and you will be dealt with, permanently.”
I glared at him. I wasn’t afraid of him. Nor of disappearing. I wasn’t fearful of speaking my mind.
Then, Axel came to my defense in barely audible, low voice:
“Lay it off Saïx. She may be a nobody, but she’s also a kid. She doesn’t know better.”
I was surprised. Axel and I weren’t friends. He was Roxas’ friend. So why would he come to my defense?
Axel carried up Roxas to his room, and I followed. I didn’t know what to do. My only friendship I had made in the Organization, and I squandered it. I regretted everything. All because I was jealous of Xion. I wanted to stay with Roxas, but Saïx wouldn’t allow me. He said now that Roxas out of commission, Xion and I had to share his workload. He didn’t even care that Roxas had fallen into a coma; and why would he? Nobodies don’t have hearts, and the Organization was a testament to that.
I came back to his room as soon I was able and sat with him. I must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing I knew, I woke up to my head on the bed, my hand clutching Roxas’ hand. I quickly pulled away. Then, I noticed Axel was sitting in the back of the room. I practically jumped.
“How long have you been standing there?” I demanded.
“More importantly, how long have you been sitting in here?” He asked.
I didn’t respond. He pulled himself away from leaning on the wall and walked up to me.
“Hey…Thanks…for sticking up for me” I said, reluctantly.
“Hey, any friend of Roxas is a friend of mine” Axel replied.
I turned away. Was I though?
Axel sighed, defeated.
“You know Xzylair,” he insisted, sincerely, “Just because Xion and I aren’t your best friends, doesn’t mean we can’t be your friends at all.”
I guess…My other self never learned that.
“What did you do!?”
“I…I didn’t mean to! I was just asking him some questions!”
“V_____ cannot tell you anything. Because he can’t remember anything!”
There were gasps around the room. I felt a growing warmth in my soul, as I looked down at an unconscious boy in her arms. Slowly, I brushed the strands of hair out of his face.
So warm…for such a sad light.