Saïx told me to write in a journal, though I don’t know why. What’s the point in writing a journal that no one sees? What’s the point, if I am not a real person, just a Nobody? I was sent on my first mission today. I can barely think. I felt as though I am on automatic, like a machine. I found myself unable to speak, something held my tongue. Maybe it is because I had nothing to say. Maybe I didn’t want to say anything. Maybe I didn’t find anyone worthy to speak to. These past seven days were stagnant. I felt nothing, for I was nothing.
My name is Xzylair (Zie-lar). I am number XIV of the Organization XIII. I am a nobody, a husk born of a person who has died. No emotion, empty, no purpose. A patch of darkness in the world of light. At least, that’s what Xemnas (Zem-nes) told me.
I don’t remember anything about my past. I only remember from the day Xemnas found me and gave me my name. It was then I found myself unable to speak, pale, fragile, like the life was sucked out of me. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t help feeling hard-wired. One objective and one objective only: to collect hearts.
It was explained to me that a keyblade was a special weapon. It gave its users the power to release hearts from monsters called “Heartless.” The Organization needs hearts to build the ultimate heart: Kingdom Hearts. It is said, that Kingdom Hearts can give Nobodies hearts, and that it would allow us to feel, and become something. If you die as a nobody, you will turn to dust.
Nobodies are supposed to be cold, and unfeeling. But strangely, I have a strong desire for companionship, someone to speak with, spend time with, something a Nobody shouldn’t have. I am robotic. I can’t have feelings.
I waited in the morning hours of Twilight Town. The sun shone brightly, and sounds of the seagulls flying towards the beach echoed throughout the street. It was so warm. I could smell the salty air as it wafted from the sea. I saw a group of school kids run towards a tram station. They looked giddy, and eager.
“I wonder where they’re going…”
A dark portal suddenly appeared. There was number VIII, Axel: a spiky, red-haired and green eyed man. He looked at least twenty. He was very tall and slender with the signature Organization XIII black coat. Another stepped out with him. I had seen him before. He was number XIII, Roxas. I had seen him when I was first taken to the castle meeting chamber. He looked about a year younger than me, with spiky, blonde hair and soft blue eyes, wearing the same black coat. He was smaller and more timid compared to Axel.
“Hello Xzylair! How are you today?” Axel asked.
I looked at him, but said nothing.
“Hmm, still giving us the silent treatment, eh?”
I didn’t respond.
“Aaanyway, You remember Roxas, don’t you?”
I looked over to Roxas, and slowly nodded.
“Oh good, you’re not completely impossible to communicate with!” Axel remarked, “You’ll be working with him for a while. Here’s what we need the both of you to do: there’s a giant heartless roaming Twilight Town. You need to take it down, it’s loaded with hearts.”
“Just the two of us?” Roxas asked.
“You two are the only ones with keyblades. Only you two can take it down and collect all the hearts.”
“Okay…” Roxas said nervously.
Axel opened a portal, saluted, and walked through, disappearing.
There was a hot few seconds of awkward silence before Roxas said:
When we got to the west sector of the town, it was quiet. I wondered where the Heartless was. I was suspicious, but I also knew that I couldn’t go back to the castle until I completed my mission. Then, I suddenly stopped. I could hear something, something crunching and crackling.
“What’s up?” Roxas asked.
I didn’t move. I was silent, attempting to figure out where it was coming from. The only sound that could be heard were the seagulls above them flying from the shore.
Then, I summoned my weapon: A hollow, carmine red, heart-shaped hilt, and stretched into swirling silver and pink, ending with a half moon-edge and golden star. I suddenly flung it backwards behind me. It spun around like a boomerang and hit three heartless that had appeared behind us.
More heartless appeared. I continued to take them out without a word. Roxas summoned his keyblade and assisted me. There were times where Roxas was getting overwhelmed with the black creatures, and even almost perished. But I paid no heed to him. That was all I thought to do.
Finally, the Heartless had vanished. We stood in the courtyard for a long time. Roxas took a sigh of relief.
“Well, I think that’s all the hearts we need” he declared.
He looked at his me. I turned away and had my back to him. I bet he was wondering what to say next, if to say anything at all. I didn’t move. I was like a dog tracing a scent. Nothing else mattered but my mission.
Then, I heard a low growl.
“Look out!” Roxas suddenly exclaimed.
But before I could react, the heartless lashed his claws at her and I tumbled back. I felt the sting, hitting the edge of a building and spraining my ankle. That was the moment the heartless surprised them by bringing the mother: the monster the Organization really sent us to eliminate. I tried pulling myself up, but stumbled back, unable to put any pressure on my foot.
Suddenly, I jumped when I felt a hand gently sit on my shoulder.
“Don’t get up,” said Roxas, firmly, “You’re hurt. Let me take care of the heartless.”
I felt something, something warm inside of me. I was startled.
“He…doesn’t want me to fight?”
I couldn’t speak. I could only stare at him.
Roxas summoned his Keyblade and charged at the heartless, setting it on fire. I managed to pull myself up and whirled around, striking the heartless from behind. I winced again, but was determined to take it down. I rose into the air and created a tornado around myself and struck the heartless multiple times.
Finally, the heartless was destroyed. I turned to Roxas to check on him.
“You okay?” Roxas asked.
I slowly nodded. Roxas smiled.
“Let’s get back to the castle. We need to get your ankle checked out.”
But then, Roxas saw that I had already healed my ankle in the commotion.
“Oh. You’re fine” he stated, pleasantly surprised.
At that moment, something changed inside me. I felt my tongue loosen. A dark cloud was lifted and that feeling of warmth I had before felt stronger.
I could speak. Roxas’ eyes widened. He was shocked. I was a bit surprised as well. I didn’t expect my voice to sound…deep.
“You’re…You’re Roxas” I repeated.
“T-that’s right. Roxas! That’s my name!” Roxas exclaimed.
“Xzylair” I said.
I lifted my hood to reveal my bright orange hair and brown eyes.
“That’s my name. Xzylair.”
“Yeah! Nice to meet you, Xzylair!”
His beam was infectious, forcing a small smile to curl into my lips. Roxas seemed to notice, delighted.
“Hey!” He suddenly asked, “I was gonna go get some ice cream. You wanna come?”
Roxas’ question caught me off guard. Ice cream? What was ‘ice cream’?
“Ice cream?” I echoed.
“Yeah! It’s really good! You should try it!” Roxas replied passionately.
I was puzzled. “Why would you have the desire for human food? Our bodies don’t need them…”
Roxas scratched behind his head, chuckling sheepishly.
“I don’t know. It’s just…good I guess.”
I was a bit puzzled as to why Roxas acted so full of life compared to the other members. Besides a keyblade, what made Roxas so different?
Suddenly, I saw a quick flash before my eyes. In a split second, I saw Roxas change. Instead of a black coat, he wore a black and white jacket, with a red lining and a black turtleneck underneath. He wore baggy black pants with silver cuffs and black shoes with bronze ends, and finally, a steel shoulder pad was on his right shoulder. Something else was different. His face. Instead of a soft expression, gentle expression, his eyebrows were pointed downwards, as if he felt determination burning inside of him, as well as his childish grin. Then, as quick as it came, Roxas was back to normal. I was a bit taken aback.
What was that supposed to be?
Finally, I slowly nodded and affirmed quietly.